Oh, and this too...

From the same Bill Simmons article. So damn true. Kinda pisses me off that it is true.


How random are our reactions to celebrity misbehavior? You'd think there would be some general moral principle at work here, but there just isn't. Barry Bonds and Shawne Merriman allegedly did exactly the same thing: took performance-enhancing drugs that gave them a decided advantage over their peers. Bonds became a pariah. Merriman went to the Pro Bowl. Leonard Little left a party, got into his car and hit and killed a young woman. He blew .19 on the Breathalyzer. What happened to him? He did 60 days. Six years later, he was arrested for drunk driving again. He still plays for the Rams. Michael Vick did bad things to dogs and went to jail for two years and become the personification of evil. I mean, I love dogs and I was appalled by Vick's behavior. But in what universe is it a bigger crime to fight pit bulls than it is to get wasted and kill an innocent person? (Let's not even get into Plaxico Burress, whose case proves, I guess, how unexpectedly seriously New York state courts take the crime of stupidity). And now we have Tiger Woods, who fooled around on his wife and hit a fire hydrant. And in the middle of this absurd circus, the reigning King of Kings of the NBA and role model to millions is a man who not that long ago was accused of rape and lucked out of a trial because, by all appearances, he was able to buy off his accuser in a civil settlement. Huh? Maybe with your book royalties, you can endow the Sports Guy Chair of Celebrity Philosophy at Holy Cross to try to work this out.

Right. On.

SIMMONS

My most unlikely celebrity sighting ever: During the horrible Super Bowl week in Jacksonville, I was attending the Maxim party in 50-degree weather that had barely any celebrities attending because, again, they decided to hold the Super Bowl in Jacksonville. At some point during the night, I was next in line to use one of the port-a-johns, which were stacked behind the party in some seedy, dark field. So I'm standing there thinking, "This sucks," and the port-a-john door opens. Who comes out? Katie Holmes. Taller and much more beautiful than I expected. We locked eyes, and she made that cute/crooked Katie Holmes "Some weird dude is staring at me incredulously" smile that she used to flash all the time before Tom Cruise got ahold of her. Then she walked by me and headed back to the party. And I headed into the disgusting port-a-john. Not even a month later, she signed with Cruise. Whoops, I mean, she fell for Cruise. I'm saying that "Katie Holmes + port-a-john + a few weeks before Cruise got ahold of her" was at least a 92 on your scale.

Side Note: I know EXACTLY what kind of smile/look he's describing. Is that sketchy? Whatever, it just comes from years of watching Dawson's Creek. Oh yeah, and I'd completely piss my pants if that happened to me...

Bill Simmons

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/090429&sportCat=nba

My favorite:

Q: When Brian Scalabrine fouls out of a playoff game, and your reaction is, "Uh-oh, we're screwed," is that a bad sign for your title hopes?

A: Yes. Yes it is.

How right on is that? Exactly how I felt.